Poopie Pants

Normally, I can't stand it when I'm working out at the gym next to someone who has just bathed in perfume. Who are you trying to impress? We're all here to work up a sweat...so get over it. But today, while working out next to Mr. Poopie Pants, I wanted nothing more than a Drakkar Noir-soaked muscle head to start working the elliptical trainer on the other side of me. The scent wasn't constant; it came in shifts. I would catch a whiff, and then...nothing! Just when I think it's safe to take a deep breath and enjoy the Belle and Sabastian blaring through my headphones, it's baaaaack. I shot him a few confused looks, because at that point, I didn't know if it was him or the woman on the other side of him. But as the other gym-goers started to clear the area, I realized that I was right beside the problem. "What if they think it's me?", I wondered. Nah...I'm wearing clean gym clothes and I look cute. But he didn't look dirty or ugly either...just a normal guy..a normal smelly guy! Even after he finished his work out, his stench lingered for a few minutes. I told Robert I feared the smell was stuck up my nose, and he promptly offered me some Flonase, so I could "smell lilacs for the rest of the night".
Mr. Poopie Pants clearly had a problem. I'm not sure if he just hadn't showered in a few days, or if some horrible bedsore was starting to ooze, but I described the odor to Robert as a "mixture of pus and poop". Nasty.
So now I take back what I said about gym perfume wearers. If the perfume is masking some horrific smell, then spritz away. We all have a little B.O. now and then...but poopie pants is another story!

Singles Bar

Apparently, this is what one New York man wants to know. Let's hope I don't run into him. Lord knows I've had my share of crazies.


This questions goes to all those women who notice guys !

What kinda asian guys u like???
Do you prefer Indian or a Chinese???
DO u like Dark or White???
Do u like Formal Or Casual???

And many more of you think of ???


Am i noticable??? I am all over in the subway ???

Chubby Checker says...

It's the summer of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When
he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.

"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" He says ,
"That's cool."

Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby
replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a
drive-in-movie.

Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I
hear all of the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise
to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?"

"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "we know that Peggy Sue really likes
to screw, why she'd screw all night if we let her!"

Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has
revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes
downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and
announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby
escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, "Have a good
evening
kids," with a small wink for Bobby.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back
into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father:

"DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST !!!!!!!!"

Staff Meeting

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous
staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When
everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun,
told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick
contest. The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was
that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other
products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were
acceptable. About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions
and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the
rest of the week went very well for everyone.



The top ten were:




10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!




9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.




8. Viagra, Like a rock!




7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.




6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.




5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.




4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.




3. Viagra, home of the whopper!




2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!




And the unanimous number one slogan:



1. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs.

Intro

Voila! Through the magic of one Reluctant Receptionist, I now have a blog. Although I will use this online tool as my electronic therapist from time to time, the main purpose of my blog is to lighten your days by posting forwards from my co-workers. Now we all know how annoying it is to receive emails with the subject line reading "FW:FW:FW:...blah blah blah" from people you never talk to anymore, or who can't bother to say Happy Birthday! or Merry Christmas! or Congratulations!, but have no trouble forwarding wish after chain letter after survey. This blog, however, will display forwarded jokes from my work friends, people who DO say Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and Congratulations, because they are funny. Enjoy!