How can I tell you that I love you?

Other Ways to Say It
(42) Inappropriately, to a coworker who is already sleeping with another coworker. (43) With a heart filled with lies. (44) With a she puppet and a you puppet. (45) As she leaves for Spain with your much better-looking brother. (46) At Thanksgiving, to her twin sister, by accident. (47) In glow-in-the-dark-paint on the bedroom ceiling. (48) Directed toward the heavy, sealed barrel in the basement where you’ve hidden the secrets. (49) While pounding on the motel-room door. (50) Branded onto her favorite pig. (51) With dozens and dozens of greeting cards, because the motorcycle accident caused a hemispheral infarction that has made it impossible for you to verbalize emotion and also turned you into a compulsive shopper. (52) By promising to read her novel. (53) By actually reading it. (54) By telling her that she really captured something beautiful about what it means to be a young woman who rides horses in Connecticut. (55) By asking her gently if the rape scene should go on for 75 pages. (56) By admitting that as a man it’s unlikely you could ever understand and apologizing for questioning her literary judgment.

Read the entire article here. Really, read it. It's f$*#ing hilarious.