Time to tighten the belt

After my first Army experience yesterday (the test was fine), I realized what a life-changing event this could possibly be. I knew things would be unlike anything else I'd ever done, but man- it's gonna be somethin' else. Assuming I get in, I have to be in a certain weight range before starting basic training. Now, this doesn't quite sink in, as I have seen many pictures of soldiers with pounds and pounds to lose, but whatever. In order to pass the physical, which I must have before I even audition, I have to lose about 7 lbs. Not so bad, except I have to do it, or as close as I can get to it, in 4 weeks. Therein lies the problem. I lose weight slower than dial-up internet. I've always been a slow loser, and it's always been a point of extreme frustration for me. So now, I'm actually dealing with a time table, and I'm a little worried I ain't gonna make the cut.

So if you see me walking around wearing a garbage bag and spitting into a paper cup, it's not because I joined the wrestling team. Also, it might help if you scream "put down that carrot, fatty" and throw eggs at me. Anything to get this not-fat-yet-but-on-the-way-there ass in gear.