Dear attractive men at my gym,

Hi there. How YOU doin? I'm not sure if you've noticed me; in fact, you probably haven't, but that's fine. I've noticed you. I have no idea where you are hiding in Astoria- I never see any of you on the train, on the sidewalk, at Key Food, or at Rite Aid. (That's pretty much my tour of my neighborhood during the cold months.)
It's going to be hard to give you up when my membership runs out at the end of March. I mean, you're all pretty hot, but I can't justify the ridiculous cost of membership any longer. I've decided to just start working out at Columbia because it's a lot cheaper for me. Plus, once it gets warm again, I'll be running outside instead of on the treadmill, AND I'm getting a bike. So, it just makes sense. I hope I'm not hurting any of your giant, muscular, tight feelings. Especially you, blonde guy with the cute glasses and bearded lifting partner. You're my favorite. Yeah you. Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

So for the next month-and-a-half, I'll still be cruising you, while trying to act like I'm really paying attention to my fitness. Keep wearing those tight shirts and making those grunting sounds.

Love,
Me