Gum on my Shoe
My co-workers were JUST talking about this song. And the Phat Phree has something to say about it. Wow. Harsh, but funny:
Okay here it is. This is the grandaddy of all miserable Christmas songs. This song is everything that’s wrong with American culture, and it’s popularity is a window into the simple collective national mind that made American Idol a number one show, Nascar the number two sport and elected our retarded President to a second term.
The song is about a boy at a department store on Christmas Eve who wants to buy some shoes for his mom, who is dying of cancer. However, he finds himself a bit shy on finances, so a bystander, caught up in the Christmas spirit, jumps in to save the day by making up the difference, thus allowing the kid to take some shoes home to his dying mother. This is the actual refrain from the song:
Sir I want to buy these shoes, for my Momma please,
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size,
Could you hurry sir, Daddy says there’s not much time,
You see, she’s been sick for quite a while,
And I know these shoes would make her smile
I want her to look beautiful, if Momma meets Jesus tonight.
Omigod! I want to punch something again and again! How can people be deceived by this overwrought sentimental gibberish? Have you ever seen a more brazen and desperate attempt to force emotion from listeners? The writer pulled out all stops. He used children, Christmas, cancer and footwear all in one foul swoop! How much disrespect did he show for his audience by assuming that they would buy into it? And how shameful is it that it worked!? This is a popular song. I’ve heard it on the radio more times than you can imagine.
I once stopped dating a girl simply because she liked this song. I was making fun of it when it came on and she said that she thought it was beautiful. The decision was made right then and there. Now obviously, the relationship was fundamentally flawed and we weren’t planning a fall wedding up till then or anything, but that’s what really pushed it over the edge. That is how much I hate this horrible-bullshit-heart-string-tugging-moron-pleasing-bloody-late-term-abortion of a Christmas song.
Okay here it is. This is the grandaddy of all miserable Christmas songs. This song is everything that’s wrong with American culture, and it’s popularity is a window into the simple collective national mind that made American Idol a number one show, Nascar the number two sport and elected our retarded President to a second term.
The song is about a boy at a department store on Christmas Eve who wants to buy some shoes for his mom, who is dying of cancer. However, he finds himself a bit shy on finances, so a bystander, caught up in the Christmas spirit, jumps in to save the day by making up the difference, thus allowing the kid to take some shoes home to his dying mother. This is the actual refrain from the song:
Sir I want to buy these shoes, for my Momma please,
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size,
Could you hurry sir, Daddy says there’s not much time,
You see, she’s been sick for quite a while,
And I know these shoes would make her smile
I want her to look beautiful, if Momma meets Jesus tonight.
Omigod! I want to punch something again and again! How can people be deceived by this overwrought sentimental gibberish? Have you ever seen a more brazen and desperate attempt to force emotion from listeners? The writer pulled out all stops. He used children, Christmas, cancer and footwear all in one foul swoop! How much disrespect did he show for his audience by assuming that they would buy into it? And how shameful is it that it worked!? This is a popular song. I’ve heard it on the radio more times than you can imagine.
I once stopped dating a girl simply because she liked this song. I was making fun of it when it came on and she said that she thought it was beautiful. The decision was made right then and there. Now obviously, the relationship was fundamentally flawed and we weren’t planning a fall wedding up till then or anything, but that’s what really pushed it over the edge. That is how much I hate this horrible-bullshit-heart-string-tugging-moron-pleasing-bloody-late-term-abortion of a Christmas song.
posted by Hilary at
6:38 AM
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