Ugh

I'm only 26 years old, albeit 2 months left until I turn 27, but STILL- 26 is not old. Especially in New York. Even Jay-Z says it: 30 is the new 20. Then why, if I'm so young and full of time, do I always end up questioning myself when it comes to dating?

I've said it before and I'll say it again- now- I like being single. I like not worrying about putting someone else's feelings/schedule/bullshit first. I like being able to come and go as I please. I like (occasionally) staying at home on Friday nights, eating take away and watching Lifetime movies, and not giving a crap what anyone else thinks. I like getting up on Saturday mornings and spending the day doing whatever I want- museums, shopping, running, movies, etc. I'm comfortable being alone.

However....

I like companionship. I like having plans with a boy. I like making out. I like looking forward to butterflies.

I DON'T like feeling like shit. I DON'T like waiting. I hate wondering. I loathe "waiting to hear back"; phone calls, emails, text messages. It all sucks and it's all lame. I'm a pretty strong, independent woman. And mostly, I have Nakia to thank for that. She has given me SO many pep talks throughout the years, and helped me to realize that I'm pretty awesome- so why go through all of these shenanigans if I don't have to? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm still trying to figure out why- when I know the answer- I wait around until the last minute to make plans because said dude "might call". And why, even after very little time spent together, I expect too much. And still- doubting myself and my attributes because I haven't heard from a boy in four days.

Ridiculous. I'm so much better than all of that. And young. I'm young.